“It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives. The act of dying is not of importance, it lasts so short a time.”
– Samuel Johnson
Someone close to me recently brought forth the question of whether or not I was curious about what people will say or think about me after I die. I couldn’t help but laugh a little and try and be anecdotal, but nothing that came to mind sounded right.
When they asked me again if I had ever pondered on the issue, I had to be honest and say “no”. I’m of the inclination that this is it. It’s all black after these lights go out…so I’m still trying to plan how I’m going to sneak in a little bit when I get to the “other side”.
I guess in a way I’m so preoccupied with “what’s next” rather than who is saying what about me after I’m gone. I’m a nihilist through and through, but I still don’t have a good enough grasp on the afterlife to be comfortable going now.
Now, I’ve always known what I’ve wanted on my tombstone if that counts: “The future’s uncertain and the end is always near.” A line from “Roadhouse Blues” by The Doors. If you take away the Morrison myth it’s not a bad quote, one of ultimate summation, I think.
What do you want to be remembered for after you’ve left this earthly plane? What do you want your friends and family to say about you? Do you even care? What’s next after we die?
I’m interested to know your feelings on the topic.
“Death is as natural as life. It’s part of the deal we made.”
– Mitch Albom
It’s a subject as old as time, and a personal dilemma everyone experiences at some point in their lives: the fear of death and dying.
It would almost be negligent to let on that I’ve never fixated on the thought of dying and, of course, what’s to come after.
I’m not of the belief in a “Christian God” or a “White Jesus”…but on the same token I’m terrified of going to hell. It doesn’t make any sense, I know. But it’s true.
I’m not scared to die, though. I think I’d die for anybody. I would just want it to be quick, painless (who wouldn’t, right?). Don’t get me wrong. I in no way want to die, but you have to accept dying as a part of life or you’ll get too hung up on it, and that can be dangerous.
I get hung up on a specific fear of dying: drowning. I’m outright terrified of water…yet it never stops me from getting in; I’ve been in pools, ponds, lakes, and two oceans. But the entire time I am I’m in a state of anxiety and fear like no other. I hate water. I’d rather burn alive than spend my last moments in that type of fear accompanied with drowning.
The fear of drowning is called aquaphobia. In fact, aquaphobia is the irrational fear of drowning. I would say, partly because of my “condition”, most of my fears are totally irrational. For instance, I have to have the volume on the TV on an even number. I know it’s insane, but it’s a true fear. I honestly believe your shooting dice with the Devil if you have your TV volume on an odd number. I’m as neurotic as they come.
Fears can either teach or they can torture. They say you have to “face your fears” to conquer them. Most people try to avoid them completely so as to not have to even bother with the thought of it. I mean, how can the fear of death and dying be conquered? At best, it can only be accepted.
The fear of the possibility. That is a true fear I suffer from, and it can be debilitating. The anxiety that comes with just the possibility of something bad is phenomenal, except not in a good way.
The fear of death and dying is definitely a rational fear. It’s the fear of the unknown. The fear of what you have to leave behind. It’s rational, I just “handle” it irrationally.
I’ve decided to avoid the time spent on thinking about death by just never dying. I never want to die so that’s the plan. It may be irrational, but whatever gets me through the night, right?
But am I scared of dying? I don’t WANT to die, of course. but it is a part of life. And I have accepted that.
I agree the idea of not dying may not be a good plan, but it’s all I got (If I didn’t laugh all I would do is cry). We’re all going to die. And I’d like to believe we just drift off into the stratosphere, but as a nihilist, I honestly believe that after we die it’s all just black, an eternal void.
If I’m wrong, I just hope that when I die I make it to hell before the Devil knows I’m dead.
Mirrored Madness: The Monster In Me 