Category Archives: Christmas

March Only Comes Once a Year

“I’d rather feel the benefits of the flames and risk everything, than not feel them, and risk nothing at all.”

– Daniel Lyddon

Having bipolar disorder is like standing on the edge of a cliff in a thunderstorm: there’s an intense beauty about it, but ultimately in the end it’s just not a good idea. And that’s okay. It’s a well-known fact that if you play with fire, you just might get burned.

As I’ve put certain things in my life on the backburner (including this blog, for instance) to try and tackle another project, I have definitely spent more time in my head than usual. It’s been both eye-opening and frightening. The wheels are always turning , and even when I’m still being “productive” it can become exhausting on a dangerous level.

So, own it. You must own it. If you don’t own it, it will end up owning you.

Realizing that some of the worst aspects of having bipolar disorder are also some of the best ones makes it easier to use the illusion of ignorance to take advantage of it. You may love it, you may hate it, but you must own it.

It does get easier, though, but not because you get used to it. You just learn to try and brace yourself in a kind of frenzied preparation. No, it doesn’t always work, but you must take advantage of the times when you have some semblance of control. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth, brace yourself, and hope for the best.

I’ve spent a lot of time lately (more time than usual) trying to be purposefully self-reflective for a bigger project, and although I am thankful for the temporary gift of impulse control and the like, it’s still not hard to get lost in the internal chaos of my mind. And that’s what it is: an intense state of internal (and eternal) chaos that if it’s not completely debilitating, it controls and ultimately destroys you.

I’m going to return to this blog, not daily, but at least a couple days a week. This is an outlet that lets me share my experiences to help spotlight the topic of bipolar disorder. I hope I’ve done that without coming across as abrasive or pretentious. But I can’t worry about that now.

If all remains the same, March and April will be when I become manic. Maybe it’s because Spring is my favorites season. I used to look at it as a kind of personal beauty, accompanied by an intensity that can only be described as exquisite and capacitating. It ends up zapping you of everything, though. You become drained to a point of complete depression. The cycle is always the same, just like the directions on a shampoo bottle: Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

It’s almost March, and if I continue to share on this blog during this upcoming “event” or period of time, there’s no telling how it’s going to come across. I may be rambling about anything or I may not. We’ll see.

I just have to learn and accept that sometimes to stand out it’s better to just blend in.

Bipolar Disorder & the Holidays

The holidays can be a tricky time of year for someone with bipolar disorder. “Doom, gloom, and dread” often take the place of “peace, love, and joy”, creating a brand new can of worms that no one looks forward to. Not only are you not the life of the party, you might very well be its death knell.

Why are the holidays so hard for people who suffer from bipolar disorder? Doctors and research point to a variety of factors.

  1. Buying into the build-up: It may be the “most wonderful time of the year”, but you couldn’t feel more alone and depressed.
  2. Cycling with the seasons: Many bipolar people tend to feel more down and depressed in the winter months due to the time change.
  3. Schedule changes: People with bipolar disorder like and depend on their routine.
  4. Substance use/abuse: The temptation to drink or use drugs may come up during the holidays for a variety of reasons.
  5. Too much, too fast: Shopping here, stopping there…It can take its toll on anybody, of course, but it can be a trigger for someone with bipolar disorder.
  6. Overspending: This can already be a bad idea for someone with bipolar disorder. But with a reason it can be a disaster.
  7. Missing medication: As busy and hectic as the holidays get it’s easy to miss a dose of medication without even realizing it.
  8. Social anxiety: Not all family gatherings are pleasant and they can be even less so when anxiety is rearing its ugly head.

To tell a person suffering from bipolar disorder there are ways around these factors is similar to telling a circle to be a square: it’s a waste of time. However, there are some coping strategies that can be used to help avoid certain triggers.

  1. Be open and honest: Let your friends and family know you may just not be up to all the festivities this year.
  2. Keep a schedule: Make a schedule and stick to it.
  3. Just say “no”: Avoid the illicit use of any drugs and/or alcohol.
  4. Stick to a budget: Avoid overspending by creating and sticking to a budget.
  5. Shop online: Avoid the stores and any other unnecessary social situations.
  6. Avoid excessive stimulation: Stay away from things that could be a trigger of any sort for you.
  7. Prepare: It’s hard to do, but try and remain aware of what is on the schedule.

Most importantly, remember that it’s okay to be selfish when it comes to your health and self-care. Even during the holidays.