Category Archives: Vincent Van Gogh

Bipolar: A List

“I could walk through fire if it meant making my dreams come true. That is the gift being bipolar gave me. It blessed me with a lofty imagination, an iron will, and an unbreakable belief in the impossible.”

– A.J. Mendez

For someone with bipolar disorder, comfort can be found in some odd and dark places. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t comforted (in a selfish and devious way even) when being around someone with mine or a similar condition. It makes me feel like, “Ha! Yes! It’s not only me!” I know, I know…but, hey, whatever gets me through the night.

So, you can only imagine how it feels when you find out some of your heroes suffer from the same condition as you. It washes away that all-encompassing stigma for just a moment and offers up some (usually) much needed hope.

Famous People with Bipolar Disorder
Selena Gomez (Actress/Musician)

Jimi Hendrix (Musician)

Buzz Aldrin (Astronaut)

Kanye West (Rapper/Musician)

Vincent Van Gogh (Artist)

Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots)

Amy Winehouse (Musician)

Scott Stapp (Creed)

Mariah Carey (Musician)

Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)

Carrie Fisher (Actress)

Catherina Zeta-Jones (Actress)

Virginia Woolf (Writer)

Brian Wilson (Musician)

Ernest Hemingway (Author)

Frank Sinatra (Musician/Actor)

Winston Churchill (Politician)

Jean-Claude Van Damme (Actor)

Ben Stiller (Actor/Comedian)

Lou Reed (Musician)

Mel Gibson (Actor)

Lauryn Hill (Musician/Actress)

This is just a list of some well-known people who suffer from bipolar disorder. Is it comforting on some dark level of the human soul? Who’s to say?

The list goes on and on and on. Some of these people made it through the fire, and some didn’t. But it is comforting to share a relatability with someone who inspires you. Especially when it’s on this type of level. Some of the people on the list led dangerous lives with devastating outcomes. Some didn’t make it. But when the reality that us lay people have to deal with is something a famous person or even an icon has deal with also, a little bit of hope breaks through the darkness. Like the sunlight breaking through the clouds after a storm, hope can become a reality. If only for just a minute.

I’m not a rubbernecker, but even if I was that brief moment of hope is far more fulfilling than any other sick, selfish motive I may sometimes have.

SPOTLIGHT: Kurt Cobain

“The sun is gone, but I have a light.”

– Kurt Cobain, Dumb

Not all days are bad days, and sometimes I have nothing in particular I need or want to say. So, I started a little “Spotlight” segment in which I talk about someone of cultural prominence who suffers from bipolar disorder. The idea is to use a “poof”-style piece to shine a light on said chosen person. It’s a personal exercise and challenge, and also helps make this illness just a tad more relatable. This is my second “Spotlight” piece, the first of which was on Vincent Van Gogh.

This one is on Kurt Cobain.

Kurt Cobain was born in February of 1967 in Aberdeen, Washington. As a child he was diagnosed with ADD and developed bipolar disorder later on in life. Never pursuing treatment, though, Cobain struggled with severe depression throughout his entire life, often turning to drugs to self-medicate.

Cobain is best known as the front man and main creative force behind the rock band Nirvana.

Nirvana began playing together in the 1980s but would undergo countless name changes and at least four other drummers before permanently sticking with Dave Grohl in 1990.

Although their debut album, Bleach, was recorded and released in 1989, it was their sophomore effort, Nevermind, that really cemented their place in history. Driven by the hit song “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, as well as a slew of other rock radio staples, the album knocked Michael Jackson off the top of the charts and catapulted the band to near-overnight fame.

This really didn’t sit well with Cobain, though. He never intended or wanted to become as popular as he ultimately became. He was labeled the “Voice of his Generation”, which also did not sit well with him.

As mentioned above, Cobain often turned to drug use as a means to handle the sudden onslaught of fame, along with other various personal issues. Cobain’s drug of choice was heroin, and he became extremely addicted to the powerful substance, even to the point of overdosing around family and friends.

Nirvana went on to release only one other official studio album, In Utero. It was a drastic departure from the material on their previous album, and was the album Cobain was most proud of.

Cobain’s songwriting skills are his most notable and spoken of talents, as he is often lumped into many “best songwriters of all time” lists. He was moody, bright-eyed, and honest in his writing, creating a mass appeal in all he did.

Ultimately, though, between his severe depression, his inability to handle public pressures, and his extreme dependence on heroin, Cobain committed suicide in 1994 at the age of 27. He left behind a wife and daughter.

One thing I must express is that you don’t have to use drugs or suffer from a mental illness to be creative or productive. Suicide isn’t the answer, either, yet I have no room nor am I in any position to even speak on that.

I only add this little tidbit because the subject of the last “Spotlight” piece, Vincent Van Gogh, also committed suicide. There are many amazingly creative and genius people out there who do not follow the same path as either of these two men.

I promise we won’t end this series on a “Van Gogh” or a “Kurt Cobain”, if only just to prove my point. Sometimes it’s best to just stay in the light.

Until next time.

SPOTLIGHT: Vincent Van Gogh

“Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum.“

– Vincent Van Gogh

I’ve mentioned before in this blog the possible link between creativity and bipolar disorder and the first person who comes to mind when thinking about this theory is Vincent Van Gogh.

Of course, there was no one “official” diagnosis given while Van Gogh was living. However, it is historically accepted the artist suffered from the disorder. In fact, World Bipolar Day is on March 30th because it is Van Gogh’s birthday.

According to The Van Gogh Gallery, his extreme enthusiasm combined with his amazingly excessive output suggested mania was a big fixture in Van Gogh’s life. But these periods of mania were also accompanied or followed by periods of depression.

A 2020 article in the International Journal of Bipolar Disorders lays out the idea of Van Gogh having bipolar disorder based off of alleged rapid mood swings along with periods of both mania and depression. Van Gogh’s brother even said it was as if he was made up of two different personalities, “the one marvellously gifted, sensitive and gentle, and the other self-loving and unfeeling”.

Vincent Van Gogh was born on March 30, 1853 in Holland. The son of a pastor, Van Gogh believed his true calling was to preach. It wasn’t until later he discovered his true passion as an artist.

Perhaps the most infamous moment in both Van Gogh’s personal life is the “ear incident”. In December 1888, the artist cut off one of his ears with a razor during part of a mental breakdown. He gave the severed ear to a cleaner at a local brothel and would spend the majority of the next two years in hospitals and asylums.

From Lilacs to The Starry Night, Van Gogh painted some of his most well-known masterpieces while hospitalized for his nervous temperament. The Starry Night was inspired by a view from one of Van Gogh’s rooms in an asylum. Most of the artist’s finest and well-known paintings were done in the last two years of his life.

Van Gogh’s death is shadowed in some mystery yet still is officially regarded as a suicide. He died on July 29, 1890 — two days after a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the chest. According to his brother, Vincent’s last words were, “The sadness will last forever.”

Van Gogh was not a critical or commercial success in his lifetime, having sold only one painting. He never wavered in his conviction as an artist, however, painting consistently, even in his darkest periods of life.

Even with a reputation of mental instability it was clear Van Gogh had true artistic strengths and creativity. And with a talent beyond measure, Van Gogh is considered to be one of the most influential artists in history.

Despite his mental illness, Van Gogh is credited with helping create the foundation of what we know as modern art.

Up, Down, And All Around

Winston Churchill, Vincent Van Gogh, and Kurt Cobain walk into a bar…

Yeah, it sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but the punchline is far from funny.

One of them led Great Britain stoically during WWII. One of them is responsible for some of the most well-known and adored pieces of art work in the world. One is a musical icon who tragically ended his life too soon. So, you may be wondering, what do these three people have in common?

All of them suffered from bipolar disorder.

And so do I.

And now a joke: My friend who suffers from bipolar disorder called from the lobby. He said, “Hey, I’m feeling great today. You want to do something?” I said, “Sure, I’ll be down in a minute.” He said, “That makes two of us.”

No, it’s not a funny joke (nor an original one), but the subject is no laughing matter either. The stigma surrounding bipolar disorder is not only sad, it’s dangerous and deadly. There are approximately 5.7 million adults in the United States suffering from the mood disorder. Of those diagnosed with the disorder, 40%-60% of people will attempt suicide at least one time. Even scarier, approximately 19%, or 1.14 million people out of approximately 5.7 million with the disorder, will commit suicide. Bipolar disorder accounts for 3%-14% of all suicides, making it quite possibly the deadliest mental illness.

So, if you’re one of the people who liked the aforementioned joke, are you still laughing now?

I’m 31 now and was first diagnosed at 15. Then again at 17. Then again at 25, which is when I finally sought out help. For 10 years I lived in a constant state of shame and embarrassment. For many reasons.

But before I get anymore ahead of myself let’s get a basic idea of what bipolar disorder is. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder characterized by extreme highs and lows, mood swings, and can affect many other areas of everyday life, as well. It is quite possible there are more people with the disorder for various reasons, whether it be from being misdiagnosed to being personally ashamed.

The stigma surrounding bipolar disorder is extreme compared to most other mental health issues. It is insidious and wreaks havoc on the person with the illness as well as those around them. Family, friends, and other loved ones often feel like they have to (and I love this phrase) “walk on eggshells” so as not to trigger or cause an episode in someone with bipolar disorder.

I hope to continue to share my story and my personal journey through this maze in my mind as I go on.

All I ask is for you to not try and understand me, and I won’t try to understand how my behavior affects those around me.

To Be Continued